The funniest things heard while controlling/flying

Christopher Mauro · « **Reply #45 on:** March 30, 2014, 07:49:19 PM »

**aircraft turns direct to CZQ on the PORTE5 after PORTE** (note: I felt like pulling a Don and telling every pilot that I can't fly the plane for them)

CTR: VRD123, verify flying the PORTE5 departure as published, it appears you flew direct to CZQ after passing PORTE (which is wrong)
VRD123: uhh, sir, it sounded like you were busy so I just turned direct to CZQ.
CTR: uhh, VRD123 roger no problem, but next time stay on the departure as published unless the controller clears you off of it.

Okay, please tell me that was not an excuse for not having the chart on board.

Don Desfosse · « **Reply #46 on:** March 31, 2014, 11:45:18 AM »

I'd have told him that deviating from his departure actually made me more busy.... And, for the record, I only had to tell one pilot that I couldn't fly his plane for him on Saturday during Cross the Pond. That may be a record!

Christopher Mauro · « **Reply #47 on:** March 31, 2014, 10:53:22 PM »

Quote from: Don Desfosse

I'd have told him that deviating from his departure actually made me more busy.... And, for the record, I only had to tell one pilot that I couldn't fly his plane for him on Saturday during Cross the Pond. That may be a record!

Yeah true....and ha! that really is a record

Cody Cochran · « **Reply #48 on:** April 03, 2014, 12:18:31 AM »

Long transcript of a guy flying a 777 into KLAX that was pretty funny. Either he was a bit tipsy or had no idea what he was doing (Im going to go with the second one).

[04:17:13] XXX777: lax
[04:17:22] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Yes?
[04:18:12] XXX777: rade to land
[04:18:36] XXX777: at ru 24r
[04:18:48] LAX_TWR: XXX777, wind 270 at 12, runway 24R, cleared to land
[04:19:39] XXX777: ihding 180
[04:20:09] XXX777: what can i do
[04:20:13] LAX_TWR: XXX777, pray
[04:20:59] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Try turning left heading 360 then we'll see what we can do
[04:21:19] XXX777: ok
[04:22:39] XXX777: ok hiding 360
[04:22:56] LAX_TWR: XXX777, fly that for a bit, then we'll see if we can get you down on LAX
[04:23:04] LAX_TWR: XXX777, or somewhere close to that
[04:23:30] XXX777: im 360 n
[04:23:51] XXX777: ok
[04:25:34] XXX777: speed 200
[04:25:57] LAX_TWR: XXX777, turn left now heading 335
[04:27:01] XXX777: approger 335
[04:27:11] LAX_TWR: XXX777, KLAX is at eleven o'clock and 11 miles, report in sight
[04:27:33] XXX777: ok
[04:28:03] LAX_TWR: XXX777, cleared visual approach runway 25L
[04:28:25] XXX777: ok
[04:29:26] XXX777: ok
[04:30:01] XXX777: speed 180
[04:30:24] LAX_TWR: XXX777, contact Los Angeles Center 125.800, so long
[04:30:33] Error: Handoff of XXX777 refused.
[04:31:15] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Actually, stay with me
[04:31:19] LAX_TWR: XXX777, might as well
[04:32:04] XXX777: speed 180
[04:32:32] XXX777: hiding 334
[04:32:45] LAX_TWR: XXX777, hiding from what? I don't bite
[04:33:17] LAX_TWR: XXX777, confirm you have the field in sight?
[04:33:34] LAX_TWR: XXX777, is at ---- and ---- miles,
[04:33:49] LAX_TWR: XXX777, KLAX is at ten o'clock and 5 miles,
[04:34:06] XXX777: alt 3000
[04:34:11] LAX_TWR: XXX777, thanks
[04:34:45] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Turn left heading 250, descend now at your discretion
[04:34:47] LAX_TWR: XXX777, wind 270 at 12, runway 25L, cleared to land
[04:35:44] XXX777: ok
[04:36:12] LAX_TWR: XXX777, wind 270 at 12, runway 24R, cleared to land
[04:36:24] XXX777: ok
[04:37:17] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Cleared to land all runways
[04:40:00] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Welcome to LAX, exit right, cross runway 25R, contact ground 121.65 on the other side
[04:40:03] LAX_TWR: XXX777, Congratulations.
[04:40:19] XXX777: thank
[04:40:23] LAX_TWR: XXX777, welcome
[04:42:19] XXX777: ok

Tim Roden · « **Reply #49 on:** April 03, 2014, 12:27:24 AM »

Quote from: Cody Cochran

Long transcript of a guy flying a 777 into KLAX that was pretty funny. Either he was a bit tipsy or had no idea what he was doing (Im going to go with the second one).

-snip-

Many a laugh was heard in the ZLA teamspeak tonight. fun fun fun.

Kenneth Bambach · « **Reply #50 on:** April 03, 2014, 01:22:57 AM »

That looks bad enough on text. I can only imagine what bedlam there would have been if that pilot had full voice capability. All things being equal, you may have gotten off lucky with him being / T!!!

Cody Cochran · « **Reply #51 on:** April 03, 2014, 03:30:38 PM »

Quote from: Ken Bambach

That looks bad enough on text. I can only imagine what bedlam there would have been if that pilot had full voice capability. All things being equal, you may have gotten off lucky with him being / T!!!

You should have seen him land. Around 6 of us were watching in 3D mode. It was hysterical.

Tim Roden · « **Reply #52 on:** April 03, 2014, 05:29:54 PM »

Quote from: Ken Bambach

That looks bad enough on text. I can only imagine what bedlam there would have been if that pilot had full voice capability. All things being equal, you may have gotten off lucky with him being / T!!!

He drove socal approach to rage-quit by being on text, if he was on voice I think that I'd have been closing up shop on LAX_TWR pretty quickly too.

Michael Mund-Hoym · « **Reply #53 on:** April 04, 2014, 01:56:08 PM »

A little off topic, but is LAX_TWR considered a procedural tower?

Bradley Grafelman · « **Reply #54 on:** April 04, 2014, 02:27:27 PM »

Quote from: Michael Mund-Hoym

A little off topic, but is LAX_TWR considered a procedural tower?

It is when I don't want to steal the... er, "fun"... and approve a PO for all of ZLA at any altitude.

Ryan Geckler · « **Reply #55 on:** April 04, 2014, 03:11:02 PM »

LAX is not a procedural tower, no. It just happens to work Bravo transitions via radar.

Michael Mund-Hoym · « **Reply #56 on:** April 05, 2014, 09:32:24 AM »

Okay, thanks. I was curious why LAX_TWR would be issuing vectors.

Don Desfosse · « **Reply #57 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:34:03 AM »

IND_CTR: DAL296, I show you squawking 6606. If you could knock that up to 6607, that'd be good.
DAL296: OK, I never thought I'd say this on VATSIM, but I'll go knock her up!

Kenneth Bambach · « **Reply #58 on:** May 16, 2014, 12:43:30 PM »

That's funny. It reminds me of a texter that one of our guys worked not too long ago. Maybe this pilot had the right idea....

[02:16:10] hello, good night
[02:16:57] hello good bye
[02:17:37] courtship via text ok? MIA_V_APP
[02:17:57] courtship via text is the way to go in my book, id rather not talk to her

Tony Jeppesen · « **Reply #59 on:** May 17, 2014, 09:18:03 PM »

Happened about 3 weeks ago while working SEA_CTR

DAL221: "Seattle Center DAL221 Requesting IFR Clearance to Seattle"

ME: "DAL221 state location?"

DAL221"Bozeman Int'l"

ME: "DAL221 your outside my airspace Salt Lake Center is offline you can monitor unicom on 122.800"

DAL221 "Roger thank you, by the way I don't know how to read charts, See ya in 20 minutes "