Skittish about a return

[Chad Harris]

Folks, some of you might remember me from a similar topic awhile back. Now I honestly feel a bit like I'm crawling back with my tail between my legs. I've always struggled with finding an ATC home, in part because long-undiagnosed anxiety made me very sensitive to criticism, and I easily gave up -- especially when that criticism came from myself. Most recently, I was a member of Denver, and one night in the middle of a depressive episode, a fellow contoller rubbed me the wrong way during a training session through no fault of his own, and I disappeared and didn't look back.

But now I want to come back, but I'm afraid whichever ARTCC I choose will look at my record over the last 14 years and think I'm a troublemaker.

I guess my question is, how do I approach my on-again, off-again relationship with VATSIM/VATUSA since 2004? And how do any fellow controllers out there with anxiety/depression (which, in all honesty, I'm now on meds for, but still have my bad days...) deal with their struggles?

I'm a good guy, really...even if I don't feel like it sometimes. :/ And I'm sorry if this is TMI, but it's how I best process things.

[Toby Rice]

Here’s the deal Chad.  I get it.  You have issues just like everyone else.  Yeah, not everyone suffers from exactly what you deal with, but I’m confident that we can all learn to cope with eachother just fine.  If you want to find a new home, we’d love to have you at HCF.  Of course, we hate BS just as much (if not more) than everyone else, but we do our best to make sure that everyone has a good time.  Forgive any typos, on my phone.

[Kyle Sanders]

Chad, I would like to agree with Toby on this. ZLC would also see a clean slate and not dig into the past unless specifically needed.
One concern is your admittance to criticism issues. Not a single person (including the ATM himself) is above constructive criticism at ZLC.
.... that doesn’t mean they are a jerk... but rather pointing out something that is wrong and providing documents supporting their claim.
check out our orientation CBTs and see if ZLC is right for you:
https://www.vatusa.net/cbt/ZLC

[Toby Rice]

Not a single person (including the ATM himself) is above constructive criticism at ZLC.
.... that doesn’t mean they are a jerk... but rather pointing out something that is wrong and providing documents supporting their claim.

This ^^

[Chad Harris]

Thanks for the replies, guys! I wouldn't say I'm averse to constructive criticism -- in fact, I welcome it over the sort of criticism I regularly give myself! And sadly, I think the self-criticism was in high gear and I was feeling overwhelmed the night I walked away. If anything, that night taught me I need to be vigilant about when to say when and wrap up a training session or a controlling shift for the night rather than push myself too hard when I'm tired or feeling overwhelmed, which I do all too often.

I'll give things a look, give stuff some thought, and hopefully dive back in soon.

[Kyle Sanders]

Good to hear! Also keep in mind that this job simulation is simulating a job that takes real world people an entire year (give or take) of training every day... all day. And then even half of them wash out. Give yourself a break here and be proud that you can at least say “cleared to land”.

[Matthew Kosmoski]

Your action log is pretty clean looking.  I'm not intimately aware of your history or whatever gossip may be associated, however.

[Cole Connelly]

Your action log is pretty clean looking.  I'm not intimately aware of your history or whatever gossip may be associated, however.

Agreed with Kosmo here, no red flags jump out at me on your activity log. Regardless of the facility you choose, I have no doubts you will be well taken care of here in VATUSA again. Hope to see you controlling soon again sir!

[Marcus Miller]

Hey Chad,

First off, welcome back to VATSIM! A lot has changed at Denver in the past year. We have really focused on implementing some new customer service initiatives that start with our controllers, as well as implemented a revised training program that makes the whole process easier. It's my hope that anyone who comes to Denver in the future, will not have any reason to be anxious or nervous about the transfer.  As far as your hesitation regarding your history, in my 10 years of being on VATSIM, I've had a different "home" ARTCC pretty much every year. That's the beauty of VATSIM. If you wanna go somewhere else, you can! If you decide that you need a break from VATSIM, you can take one! I can't think of one ATM or DATM who would look at someones transfer history and be like, "I don't know, he's been to a few ARTCC's in the past couple of years." No one would think you're a trouble maker.

As far as the night that you had your training session, I would first like to say, I'm sorry. As the Denver Air Traffic Manager, I should've ensured that the training program was not overwhelming. I would say that I was a new ATM but there's no excuse for that. All I can offer you is the knowledge that changes have been made, and I am positive that the style of training that led to your feeling of being overwhelmed have been replaced by better methods.

I think you hit the nail on the head with your earlier response. Knowing "when to say when" will go a long way in this hobby. I find myself constantly fighting the "burnout" bug. Sometimes, you just need to have some away time to refresh and rejuvenate yourself. Whether that's not controlling for a week, or not even hoping on teamspeak, sometimes we all just need a break. It's during these times of vacation and self-reflection that we begin to ask ourselves "why am I being burnt out? Why am I being overwhelmed?" Then, during our away time, we can begin to answer these questions and figure out how we can combat those feelings.

Sorry if my writing's a bit scatterbrained, but here's the takeaways.

1. If you start to become overwhelmed while training or controlling, just end the session. No one will get mad or angry at someone who knows their limits. They may even try to help fix the whole situation.

2.  The management of an ARTCC is here to serve its members. If you are having trouble with a specific person, let the ATM or DATM know. If the problem is with the ATM or DATM, let their boss know. We have a chain of command for a reason. We are all held accountable to each other. 

3. If you are feeling anxious during a training session, let your mentor or instructor know. They are here to help you. They probably have felt the way you are feeling and may have some methods of managing the feelings.

If you would like to follow up on anything, please feel free to email me MarcusM@denartcc.org and I would be happy to talk with you.

I hope you have an amazing time in HCF! Toby is a great guy!

I'll see you on the scopes,
Marcus

[Chad Harris]

Thanks for your thoughtful, detailed response, Marcus! I certainly wasn't trying to point any fingers at anyone in Denver, because I know you guys are just as enthusiastic about this hobby as anyone and want everybody to receive as thorough training as possible. It was just a bad night for me, and it didn't take much for me to be rubbed the wrong way -- I certainly don't fault my trainer or anyone other than myself. I should've spoken up about my concerns instead of just disappearing. Now, a year later, on some meds that really help with the anxiety and slow my brain down a bit, I'm much more aware of my limitations and trying to be aware when I've crossed that "too much" line.

I've had a great experience everywhere I've been in VATSIM, whether VATUSA or elsewhere, and it does me good knowing that you and others are always focused on finding that balance between in-depth training and having fun. It can be a difficult line to walk, especially when the pilots want a top-notch ATC experience!

I wish y'all continued good luck in Denver -- it's still a great place to fly, and I may have to pay a visit by flying through in the near future. I'm excited about experiencing HCF -- it's been a great one so far!