The funniest things heard while controlling/flying

[Dhruv Kalra]

This is about 2 weeks after gaining my S1 rating at ZID working SDF_GND:
Me: UALXXX, Taxi to Rwy 17L via D.

"UALXXX, runway 17L, taxi via D"?

[Trenton Martin]

Me: UALXXX, Taxi to Rwy 17L via D.

Hopefully you meant: Runway 17L, taxi via D.

Yeah I did lol

[Don Desfosse]

The other night, a VIR B744, whose pilot had quite a young voice, was having a *really* hard time taxiing to the departure runway, and said to the controller, "Sorry, sir, I'm a newbie...."

Heard on frequency very shortly thereafter:  "By definition, isn't a Virgin always a newbie?"

[Kenneth Haught]

The other night, a VIR B744, whose pilot had quite a young voice, was having a *really* hard time taxiing to the departure runway, and said to the controller, "Sorry, sir, I'm a newbie...."

Heard on frequency very shortly thereafter:  "By definition, isn't a Virgin always a newbie?"

What a great way to start my day off...even got an honest to gosh chuckle out of me!

[Jacob Perez]

JAX_CTR: D/M 10000 right 140 vectors for APP
Pilot: okay D/M FL100
JAX_CTR: heads up under 18000 its not FLxxx anymore so i need you to say 10000
Pilot: RGR
Some time later
JAX_CTR: D/M 8000
Pilot: okay 080
JAX_CTR: Thanks for dropping the FL but you have to put 8000 sir
Pilot: Okay got it
Late...
JAX_CTR: D/M 3000
Pilot: rgr 030
JAX_CTR: you mean 30ft? that's awfully low
Pilot: *Disconnects*

[Kyle Sanders]

JAX_CTR: D/M 10000 right 140 vectors for APP
Pilot: okay D/M FL100
JAX_CTR: heads up under 18000 its not FLxxx anymore so i need you to say 10000
Pilot: RGR
Some time later
JAX_CTR: D/M 8000
Pilot: okay 080
JAX_CTR: Thanks for dropping the FL but you have to put 8000 sir
Pilot: Okay got it
Late...
JAX_CTR: D/M 3000
Pilot: rgr 030
JAX_CTR: you mean 30ft? that's awfully low
Pilot: *Disconnects*

Over in ZLC, it is extremely important to have the correct altimeter setting so when I hear a pilot that, like this guy, is obviously ignorant to the concept of altitudes vs FLs, I will usually say something like:

"Sir, it's not a flight level, it's an altitude. The altitude is with the local barometric/altimeter setting in your altimeter. Flight levels are when you bring that setting to 29.92/standard and refer to them as Flight Levels with the altitude represented by hundreds of feet. So please set your altimeter to ##.## and maintain #,000. Please also take a look at the VATSIM Pilot Resource Center that can be found on the VASIM home page."

VATSIM is a learning environment, so we can't expect these guys to come up with the answer on their own. Nor, should they be expected to understand differences like this on their own. Telling them the "why", when we have time to of course, often sets in their brain a little more.

[Kristian Bauer]

"Yea, if you don't get it, I'm not going to explain it. But, BASICALLY..." (Goes on to explain it)

[Mark Hubbert]

This evening I was preparing to fly (callsign FDX683).  KMEM-KEWR when this short conversation occurred via text.

FDXxxx - on BLUZZ1 arrival expecting 36C
UALxxx - expecting next day air Hurry Up!!!
FDX683 - LOL

[Yisrael Wealcatch]

The other night, a VIR B744, whose pilot had quite a young voice, was having a *really* hard time taxiing to the departure runway, and said to the controller, "Sorry, sir, I'm a newbie...."

Heard on frequency very shortly thereafter:  "By definition, isn't a Virgin always a newbie?"

VRD500? I think he's still in the newbie zone. Just visited me last week telling me that he has ATIS information Kilo Foxtrot Lima Lima.

(I was on FLL_GND)

[Don Desfosse]

Gotta love WorldFlight taking 40-60 aircraft into airports that are way too small to accommodate 40-60 aircraft.... 

JAC_GND: "Giant 1471 Heavy, the aircraft in front of you is disabled, do you feel comfortable running him over?"  "Excellent, Giant 1471 Heavy, Runway 19, taxi via A, you may run over or through or however you like crush the 737 on the taxiway in front of you...."   And followed mere seconds later by SPK245 calling, having overrun the snowy, icy runway.... "SPK245, yes, I see you down there in that ditch.  Next left on Main Street, third left on Aviation Way, past the Alamo Rent A Car, through the fence, and you should be able to find a gate."  Yes, it was a fun time for my first time ever working KJAC (or anywhere in Salt Lake City Center, for that matter).  I guess I know why if they don't ask me back....