Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...

Chad Harris

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I've been a member of VATSIM for a long, long time and have decided once more to try and take up the challenge of controlling. One of my problems has always been that I've always suffered from severe anxiety -- something that I was formally diagnosed with last year. As a result of the anxiety, I always struggled to stay with my training or to feel like I was in the right spot. I'd get frustrated with myself and just let my account go inactive, or I'd think I'd have better luck and focus in a different ARTCC.

Net result: I'm a decade-and-a-half veteran of VATSIM, and I'm still an S3. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course...mainly I'm just frustrated with myself. On top of it all, I don't really remember the higher-level stuff I learned to get my S3, so I know I've got some catching up to do.

Anyway, that's all a long-winded way of asking if anyone might have some advice for me on how to best approach things now that I know what my struggle is and it's more manageable with medication -- though definitely still difficult sometimes.

I've been taking my time mulling over which ARTCC to approach, because I worry that my long absence will lead to some training headaches or feel like I'm taking up valuable training time from other folks, simply because I struggled to stay focused, calm, and engaged during my last attempts -- and failed miserably. :/ Still something I'm considering; I'm not in a hurry to pull the trigger yet, until I can really evaluate where my best fit is going to be.

I guess I'm just worried that I'll be seen as a "troublemaker" or "that guy who can't stick with it...ugh!", and I want to be an asset to an ARTCC, VATUSA, and VATSIM's users as a whole. I certainly don't want to frustrate fellow controllers -- or the pilots!

Any advice, folks?  ???

Thanks in advance for your insights or thoughts.  :D

Don Desfosse

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2016, 11:40:33 PM »
Chad, Welcome back!  Honestly, I think you've already taken my first piece of advice -- tell your story.  Once you've thought about a facility you might like to join, write a note to the ATM with the information above.  I have to imagine any ATM would appreciate your self-insight, honesty and candor, and be in your corner right away. 

Next, pick a small facility.  Sounds like you want to join someplace where you can make a good contribution, work some traffic, dust the rust off, and hit a comfortable stride.  We have plenty of facilities that could use the extra help that I think would fit that mold nicely.  Just looking purely at numbers, I'd suggest considering Honolulu, Salt Lake City, Kansas City or Denver.  I'd suggest considering those facilities and reach out to the ATM and/or community within that facility to see what the culture is like and if the airspace and team are things you might enjoy.  Just my two cents' worth.  Good luck, and feel free to reach out to let me know what you think and how you're making out every once in a while, OK?  Again, welcome back.

Ryan Parry

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2016, 12:31:16 AM »
I struggle with anxiety and I'm the ATM at a complex ARTCC, and I was previously a Training Administrator. If I can do it, so can you! Just take baby steps and try to not take on too much at one time. I know how frustrating it can be at times, I was an S3 for just over two years and that S3 exam took me numerous tries to get. After I finally did it I felt like I was restarting S3 all over again every time I did any S3 training. It happens, and like I said, baby steps. That's what helped me.

Good luck, you can do it!

Chad Harris

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2016, 07:01:28 AM »
Thanks for the replies and the reassurance, Don and Ryan! I've always regretted that I let my anxiety really get in the way of what had always been one of my favorite hobbies! I'm definitely going to take things slow and not be in a big hurry. And I have no doubt that once I start refreshing things through reading and practical training, that'll help!

And Don, thanks for your insight on ARTCCs and things I might look for. All the ones you mentioned are actually already the basis of my short list for the insights you shared, but also especially because they're all places I've really enjoyed flying in FSX.

Like I said, I was just a bit worried with the transfers and inactivity that show up in my history; I didn't wanna come across as some "wild child" who doesn't play well with others! I'll definitely be sure to reach out to the staff wherever I end up, because not playing with others is what's made me miss the VATSIM experience, both as a pilot and a controller! :)

I also have a feeling that the wall behind my PC desk will have lots of things taped to it for quick reference!

Thanks again for the support!

Mark Hubbert

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2016, 04:12:39 PM »
Chad,
I think Don had some good advice for you.  Hopefully soon, our training program will be more self paced so I would also ask the staff at the facility of your choice to be patient and allow you time to self pace your studies.  You commented on only being an S3, in my opinion that is quite an accomplishment.  There is no requirement for everybody to become a C1 although most want to reach that level eventually.  Welcome back, take your time getting back into a groove and most importantly, have fun and enjoy yourself.  If I can assist you, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Chad Harris

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2016, 05:09:50 PM »
Thanks, Mark! I'm definitely following Don's advice and reaching out before cementing a transfer since I know it's easier to take my time and decide rather than to decide and realize it wasn't the best choice!

And when I said I was only an S3, I was doing something I shouldn't -- comparing myself to others who, based on their VATSIM IDs, joined after I did. But, it's not a race, and we're all at different spots -- I just have to remind myself of that. I guess part of me just feel like if I'm going to be at the S3 rating, I should be able to live up to that S3 rating without missing a beat -- though I know ultimately, the refreshers be worth it in the long run for me -- and for the pilots I serve and the other controllers I interact with! I just want to provide the best and most comprehensive service I can to pilots in an area.

I just need to remember that that may be at TWR or even DEL/GND until I get my VATSIM legs back through refresher training and any needed exams, and hopefully pilots will understand that, even if they see the rating after my name!

Congrats, by the way, Mark, on your new position! Excited for the future of VATUSA and the training department! :)

Brad Littlejohn

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2016, 12:38:44 PM »
Thanks, Mark! I'm definitely following Don's advice and reaching out before cementing a transfer since I know it's easier to take my time and decide rather than to decide and realize it wasn't the best choice!

And when I said I was only an S3, I was doing something I shouldn't -- comparing myself to others who, based on their VATSIM IDs, joined after I did. But, it's not a race, and we're all at different spots -- I just have to remind myself of that. I guess part of me just feel like if I'm going to be at the S3 rating, I should be able to live up to that S3 rating without missing a beat -- though I know ultimately, the refreshers be worth it in the long run for me -- and for the pilots I serve and the other controllers I interact with! I just want to provide the best and most comprehensive service I can to pilots in an area.

I just need to remember that that may be at TWR or even DEL/GND until I get my VATSIM legs back through refresher training and any needed exams, and hopefully pilots will understand that, even if they see the rating after my name!

Congrats, by the way, Mark, on your new position! Excited for the future of VATUSA and the training department! :)

Chad, I'm going to tell you a story, so have a seat on the porch with a up of lemonade, while I sit in the old creaking rocking chair.

Everyone else, you can listen in on this too. :P

Gonna take you back to 1995. I was 21 at the time, and already 5 years into driving (of course, from 16). Well, at this time, I was blessed with the opportunity to study overseas in Melbourne, Australia, and being a kid from a landlocked part of the USA, I immediately jumped on it (hey, it is at least 15 hours drive to the closest beach from Omaha, Nebraska, which is Galveston, TX!). But I thought about all of the things I could explore there. One of them being: driving on the opposite side of the road.

So after being there a week or two and just getting used to being there, I asked my host family if I could drive them home from the mall. They thought it was unusual, because you get your L's permit (similar to learner's permit) at 18, not 16, and is based on the type of transmission your car has: If yours is an automatic, you can only drive automatic transmission cars; if it is manual, you can drive manual, AND automatic.

I'm getting to my point, so just bear with me a bit longer.

To make it even more interesting, you drive on the left side of the road. Yielding is the same, but just to the left. However, if you have a manual car, your gear shift is still in the central column between the two front seats, so you are shifting gears with your left hand. Pedals are still the same. Signal indicators are on the left side of the wheel; windshield wipers are on the right.

So while nervous, I'm starting out, and doing okay. Then my old driving habits kick in, as I forget that I'm not at home. I get to a 4-way stop, try to signal my turn by using the indicator on the right side of the wheel, and turn on the windshield wipers.

On a bright, clear, sunny day.

At one of the busiest intersections in the central business district of Melbourne.

And of course, everyone is watching me.

Everyone in the car is laughing, I'm blushing beet red (which is saying a lot for me, for those who have met me!), and sheepishly move along the way.

The rest of my time there, I took mass transit; not just because I didn't want to repeat the driving experience, but it is so much easier to get around that way than driving.

My point: Once you get started, and seeing that you've already had experience as an S3, 10 - 15 minutes in, your old habits will start to kick in, then you'll realize that you've got this, and your anxiety will be knocked out faster than a boxer taking a Mike Tyson uppercut.

BL.

Chad Harris

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2016, 05:09:43 PM »
Huh? Wha? Sorry, Brad....dozed off for a minute there. ;)

I kid, I kid. I have a feeling you're right, ultimately -- it might just take a bit to shake off the cobwebs and give the ol' memory a good refresh. I guess I just tend to be a bit of a worrier, and get freaked out at the thought that I'm going to mess up some pilot's sim experience, or make them think badly of whatever ARTCC I end up in, and I certainly wouldn't wanna reflect badly on anyone.

Then again, there's part of me that says that as long as I don't crash two planes into each other, I'm fine. Well, besides perhaps getting whatever the controller version of "I have a number for you to call..." is!  :P

Thanks for your perspective!

Manuel Manigault

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2016, 07:48:49 PM »
Hi Chad.  We would love to have you at Denver.  We'll be happy to give refresher training and get you back on the scopes.

Chad Harris

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2016, 10:14:08 PM »
Thanks, Manuel! And thanks for your e-mail earlier! I definitely keep coming back to ZDV as my top choice, so expect my transfer and everything in the next day or so!

I really appreciate everybody's insight and encouragement in this thread, because my confidence definitely was a bit shaky when I decided to return; it's good to know people get it!

See y'all on the scopes! :D

Mark Hubbert

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Re: Returning after a LONG absence, bringing my "companion", anxiety...
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2016, 11:30:22 PM »
“One of the main goals of VATSIM is to create an environment which is fun
and, at the same time, educational and a realistic simulation of procedures
followed by pilots and air traffic controllers everyday around the world.”

Notice the first goal listed is have fun.  Thanks Mani for reaching out.  Chad Best of Luck to you and have some fun!!!