The funniest things heard while controlling/flying

Don Desfosse

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The funniest things heard while controlling/flying
« on: April 26, 2013, 10:46:39 pm »
Not to take anything away from the VATSIM forum thread of a similar name, but....  Feel free to add here if there is something VATUSA related that just cracks you up....


I'll start with this one....

This could be one of my all-time favorites....  From the flight plan comments of a pilot flying as Air Force One tonight:

[!--quoteo--][div class=\\\'quotetop\\\']QUOTE [/div][div class=\\\'quotemain\\\'][!--quotec--]/ V / CALLSIGN AIR FORCE ONE / +2000 HRS PROMISE I WILL NOT SCREAM MAYDAY / / V / USING CHARTS /[/quote]
« Last Edit: April 26, 2013, 10:47:22 pm by Don Desfosse »
Don Desfosse
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Dylan Lundberg

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The funniest things heard while controlling/flying
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2013, 11:07:36 pm »
Quote from: Don Desfosse
Not to take anything away from the VATSIM forum thread of a similar name, but....  Feel free to add here if there is something VATUSA related that just cracks you up....


I'll start with this one....

This could be one of my all-time favorites....  From the flight plan comments of a pilot flying as Air Force One tonight:

[!--quoteo--][div class=\\\'quotetop\\\']QUOTE [/div][div class=\\\'quotemain\\\'][!--quotec--]Center: Welcome to KLAS, exit right when able, taxi to the gate via X, squawk standby.
Pilot: Uhm....Which frequency is standby again?
*About 30 Seconds of Radio Silence*
Random Pilot: 7500..[/quote]
Dylan Lundberg
Air Traffic Manager
Honolulu Control Facility


Don Desfosse

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« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2013, 02:20:43 am »
ROFL!  Followed shortly thereafter by a blip disappearing off of a few radar screens, I imagine!  Awesome!
Don Desfosse
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Kenneth Bambach

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« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2013, 02:26:32 pm »
Funny that you mention Air Force One Don. I had one of those last night departing KMIA to KJFK.  He's 10 minutes out of Miami when he reports that he needs to return because they didn't take on enough fuel to make it to Kennedy. Says he needs to go back to Miami to take on more fuel for the trip and that "POTUS is pissed".  With that, some anonymous pilot says on freq "Looks like someone is going to get fired tonight"
« Last Edit: April 27, 2013, 02:28:43 pm by Ken Bambach »
Ken Bambach
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Brighton McMinn

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« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2013, 08:25:51 pm »
While on FTW_CTR this evening, callsigns have been replaced:

A501 (who is British)
AAL123 (American)

I have cleared A501 to land 15R at an unidentified AFB (it's a matter of national security )

A501: "Uh, CTR, this is A501, looks like we made a mistake and landed RWY 17."
Me: "A501, not a problem sir, exit left when able and taxi to parking via A."
AAL123: "Last time I was there real-world, the NOTAMS showed that runway closed!"
A501: "Well, they make exceptions for the British."

Thought that was some quick thinking and a witty response!

Mark Hubbert

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« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2013, 09:57:51 am »
There is a fix in the Memphis airspace called BARFF.  It is part of the TAMMY4 and MARVELL arrivals.  I always got good laughs from pilots and a good knee slapping chuckle for myself when I would tell an aircraft  "You are cleared to BARFF".
Mark Hubbert
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Mark Dalforno

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« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2013, 10:36:57 am »
One of my more memorable moments working San Francisco Tower a few years back;

To set the scene, we were in normal operations which had aircraft arriving 28's and departing 1's.   The 28's come in along the bay shoreline to the airport where the departure end of runway 1L/R is the water(bay).


ME:  SWA704, San Francisco Tower, Traffic departing the northbound on the crossing runway prior to your arrival, a Airbus A320, Wind 280 at 5, Runway 28R, Cleared to land.

SWA704:  Roger Cleared to land 28R and Will be looking for the Airbus

ME:  UAL1598, San Franisco Tower, Wind 280 at 5, Runway 1R, Cleared for Takeoff.

UAL1598:  Rolling 1R

<approx 1 min passes>

SWA704:  Tower, SWA704 has an aircraft in sight but it appears to be a sea plane, still negative visual on the airbus.

<10 seconds of silence>

(Obvisouly was the UAL):  Yeah Yeah Yeah, Its us in the bay, apparently we took our Airbus sim to a whole new level by simulating the fly-by-wire controls however we forgot to plugin our fly-by-wire joystick to the computer.

SWA704:  Tower, SWA704 would like make this a low approach fly by to honor the pilot in the Scarebus....We are proud to always be going in our boeing.  

<Followed by lots of laughter on frequency>
Mark Dalforno
Sacramento City College AT-CTI Graduate
FAA Certificated Aircraft Dispatcher
*Heading to OKC Academy Soon!*

Don Desfosse

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« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2013, 11:11:04 am »
Just seen on Unicom:

[!--quoteo--][div class=\\\'quotetop\\\']QUOTE [/div][div class=\\\'quotemain\\\'][!--quotec--]KORD APP, I'm entering the finish.  Landing on Runway 37L.[/quote]
 
« Last Edit: May 07, 2013, 11:11:17 am by Don Desfosse »
Don Desfosse
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Stephen O'Hara

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« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2013, 04:43:34 pm »
So I log on and fine one pilot with a flightplan between 2 European airports  Stopped on the Taxiway

[17:18:55] ATL_1_CTR: what are your intentions?
[17:19:41] Pilot: recover from FSX crash
[17:28:40] Pilot: holding short ready for dep stright in
Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway

Tom Seeley

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« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2013, 09:05:20 am »
Had this one this morning:

ME: COA123 the preferred route to KBOS is MERIT STRKK KRANN3. Can you accept that?
COA123: Yes sir
ME: COA123 cleared to KBOS via radar vectors MERIT, STRKK and the KRANN3 RNAV arrival. (rest of clearance)
PILOT: Cleared to KBOS via radar vectors MERIT then as filed (etc.)
Departs on assigned 055 heading, climbs to initial altitude, then:
COA123: Sir, when you say radar vectors MERIT, what do you mean?
ME: It means you will be given an initial heading to the fix MERIT, where you will resume your own navigation to Boston.
COA123: But MERIT is not in my flight plan.
Me:  [img]http://www.smileyvault.com/albums/userpics/10172/hit_head.gif\\\" border=\\\"0\\\" class=\\\"linked-image\\\" /]
Tom Seeley
Deputy Director (Retired), VATUSA

Don Desfosse

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« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2013, 12:39:35 pm »
Heh....  Had that happen before too!


A gem from last night.  Had a missed approach after visual approach and landing clearances off of Runway 24 at KBDL.  Runway heading, 3000, state the reason for the missed approach, and would you like another visual, or an ILS?

DALxxx:  I'll take the ILS to Runway 64.
Me: [a moment of stunned silence, quiet chuckling off frequency....]
BOS_CTR:  Sorry, sir, there isn't an ILS to Runway 64 available tonight.
DALxxx:  No, you don't understand.  I didn't see Runway 64 with the visual.  I need the ILS to 64!
BOS_CTR:  Sir, I'm sure you couldn't see Runway 64 visually tonight.  But I can't give you an ILS to Runway 64.  Would you like the ILS to Runway 24 instead?
DALxxx:  NO!  I want the ILS to Runway 64 or I will report you to a Supervisor.
BOS_CTR:  Sir, actually, I am a Supervisor.  Do you have charts on board?
DALxxx:  Yes!
BOS_CTR:  Super.  If you tell me the frequency for the ILS Runway 64, I'll give you as many of those approaches as you like all night long and will hand deliver a case of Sam Adams Summer to your doorstep tomorrow morning.
[about 20 seconds of silence]
DALxxx:  Um, can I have the ILS to 24?
BOS_CTR:  Absolutely, you can expect that.  Turn left heading......

;-)


[Just so nobody thinks there were hard feelings, he PM'd me a short while later with an "Oops, thanks!" and we had a good chuckle!]
« Last Edit: June 07, 2013, 12:45:26 pm by Don Desfosse »
Don Desfosse
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Rick Rump

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« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2013, 02:07:50 pm »
Somebody was watching way too many airplane disaster movies
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Don Desfosse

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« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2013, 12:29:31 am »
MSP_APP: "DAL2032, Minneapolis Approach, expect the visual approach runway 30L."
DAL2032: "Approach, I'm way too drunk for the visual."
MSP_APP, without missing a beat: "DAL2032, fly present heading, intercept the localizer, expect ILS runway 30L approach."
« Last Edit: August 02, 2013, 09:22:19 am by Don Desfosse »
Don Desfosse
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Don Desfosse

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« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2013, 08:28:45 am »
A few gems from last night.... Apparently I sat down and started controlling during an Amateur Night event, and I didn't even see it posted!

Pilot: Boston Center, I'm with you.
BOS_CTR: I'm glad we're on the same page; I feel better now. The only issue is that I control over 165,000 square miles of airspace. How about another clue....

Pilot (not the same one!): Boston, I'd like to taxi.
BOS_CTR: Super! I've got 128 airports in my airspace. Which one of those are you at this evening?

Pilot: Sir, where is my push to talk button?
BOS_CTR: Well... I'd say you're pressing it right now to talk to me!

Pilot (on the ground at KJFK, not in Boston's airspace): Can you give me a taxi over?
BOS_CTR: You want me to call you a cab?

Pilot (another one on the ground at KJFK, a different one than the previous, about 1.5 hours later!): Hello, I'd like a taxi to Boston.
BOS_CTR: Um, OK, sir. Your best bet is to go down to the sidewalk, hold one hand out while simultaneously whistling really loud with the other hand. And, you'd better have a lot of cash! Suggest you contact Kennedy Tower on 119.1.
[5 minutes later I get advised by JFK_TWR that a NORDO just departed without clearance headed my way.... Guess who!]
« Last Edit: August 09, 2013, 08:29:03 am by Don Desfosse »
Don Desfosse
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Kenneth Bambach

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« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2013, 04:32:42 pm »
I love amateur night! They seem to be occuring more and more.  Think I had the same guy in Miami the other night asking about where his PTT button was.  He asked on text so I advised him that I didn't know where his voice PTT was, however his text PTT was working fine
Ken Bambach
ZMA ATM